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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26525671">Damaged</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiyade/pseuds/amiyade'>amiyade</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead Space (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Timeline, Canon-Typical Violence, Drabble Sequence, Explicit Sexual Content, Hand Jobs, M/M, but i'm changing things because the writing is just SO BAD, never heard of it :P, not much just a little bit, what's Awakened?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:00:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,329</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26525671</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiyade/pseuds/amiyade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“And keep Clarke alive! That’s an order!”<br/>“Yeah, I got it!” Carver repeated, not even trying to mask the irritation in his voice. He looked sideways at the engineer. “You better be worth it.”<br/>Clarke stared back at him unimpressed and Carver grimaced. He was going to see through this mission even if he had to drag Isaac Clarke all the way through it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Carver/Isaac Clarke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Damaged</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is just some random scenes I needed to write out of myself, because nothing drives me up the wall quite like bad writing and they all deserved better. Lot of the conversations were taken directly from the game. Nightxshade was kind enough to beta read, even if she has nothing to do with DS. ^3^ &lt;3<br/>The fic's theme song is <a href="https://youtu.be/BUxYP_HJ9g8">Damaged by Assemblage 23</a>, it fits so well I could cry. XD</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Carver, the extraction team is waiting for you on the top floor of the DredgerCorp Building!”</p><p>“Got it.”</p><p>“And keep Clarke alive! That’s an order!”</p><p>“Yeah, I got it!” Carver repeated, not even trying to mask the irritation in his voice. He looked sideways at the engineer. “You better be worth it.”</p><p>Clarke stared back at him unimpressed and Carver grimaced. He was going to see through this mission even if he had to drag Isaac Clarke all the way through it.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>They decided to take a few minutes before moving on toward the <em>Roanoke’s</em> core and Carver spent it checking over his rifle. In the last wave he had to use it to bludgeon through some necromorphs. It should be fine, but it was better to make sure. Left unchecked he would risk a malfunction, which was unacceptable in their current situation. Clarke was standing next to him by the bench, tinkering on his own weapon. If you could call a plasma cutter a weapon at all. Not to say he wasn’t effective with it (as a matter of fact, Carver had to admit begrudgingly, he was crazy effective with it), but still.</p><p>“You sure you don’t want an actual gun as well?”</p><p>The engineer glanced at him for a moment before turning back to what he was doing.</p><p>“Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”</p><p>Carver wouldn’t trust him as far as he could throw him, but he saw the engineer in action a few times already, so he just shrugged. They all had their preferences.</p><p>After a few moments of silence Isaac asked: “Why don’t you try it out once and see it for yourself?”</p><p>“I’m good.” He was a soldier, he would rather stick with his rifle, even if their enemies weren’t exactly... conventional. They lapsed into silence again and Carver’s eyes kept straying back to the engineer’s hands working on his cutter.</p><p>“You know, I probably could help with a few upgrades on yours if you want it. I’ve seen you pick up a few things here and there,” Isaac said without looking away from what he was doing.</p><p>“You don’t get to go anywhere near my gun,” Carver stated matter-of-factly, but Clarke only shrugged.</p><p>“I know you don’t trust or care about me outside of the mission. But for the moment we’re in this together. It would be counterproductive of me to sabotage you in any way. We need all the edge we can get. I’m not an expert on guns, but I… picked up a thing or two in the last years,” he said that with a humorless smile. Yeah, Carver heard about that. He was also right, but still...</p><p>“I think I’ll pass.”</p><p>Isaac only shrugged again. “Suit yourself. The offer still stands though.”</p><p>“Sure,” Carver said without any conviction and put the whole issue out of his mind. He might not have been fighting these necromorphs so long, but he also knew what he was doing.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>Carver saw Isaac go down in his peripheral vision and that half second of distraction was enough for another necromorph to get close. Carver rolled to the side, barely avoiding the blade slashing the air where he was a moment ago. He came up in a crouch aiming at the creature and emptying the whole clip into it. Thankfully, it fell and as he reloaded he called out to Isaac. When no answer came he looked in his direction. He was still down, leaning on his arms, but before Carver could get a better look at him he caught movement in the corner of his eye. He moved on pure instinct, throwing himself to the side and avoiding the hit, but something slammed into his arm. Pain shot through the limb, but he had no time to pay attention to it as he could hear the necromorph above himself. He rolled away just in time, but he lost his rifle in the process. He pushed himself up next to Isaac.</p><p>“Clarke!” Carver called out as he stared at the necromorph shuffling toward them and his rifle out of his reach on the ground.</p><p>“Just a moment,” came Isaac’s strained voice.</p><p>“We don’t have—” Carver cut himself off as he noticed Isaac’s plasma cutter a mere feet away. He made a grab for it when the thing jumped at them. Isaac raised his arm, putting the necromorph in stasis and giving Carver the time to aim and shoot the damn thing. The cutter felt weird in his hands, the kickback a lot smoother than he expected, but with only a handful of shots he managed to separate the creature’s legs from the rest of the body. As it crawled toward them on the floor, Carver kept shooting then a cut-off necromorph blade was shoved through it, making it drop for good.</p><p>Carver didn’t lower the gun, turning around, scanning the room. It was empty and even after a few seconds the only thing he could hear was his own breathing.</p><p>“Clarke?”</p><p>“I’m okay.”</p><p>Carver stood up, still scanning the room around them.</p><p>“We should move on, while they’re gone.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Carver agreed, checking his waypoint to which direction they should go.</p><p>“Can I have my weapon back?”</p><p>Carver blinked at the other man, thankful for his helmet hiding his surprise. Right, he still had Isaac’s gun. He looked at the clever thing in his grasp then stepped closer and handed it over.</p><p>“Not bad,” he admitted. When Isaac only nodded he added: “Wouldn’t mind having one, as a backup.”</p><p>“I’ll keep an eye out.”</p><p>Carver waited for some smartass comment or just a ‘told you so’, but none came and they simply moved on.</p><p>Working with this guy turned out to be much easier than he thought.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>The sudden noise made Carver flinch and he heard Isaac curse as they wandered into the <em>Terra Nova’s</em> fore mess hall.</p><p>“No way.”</p><p>“What is it?” Carver asked, senses on high alert as he scanned the room for hostiles.</p><p>“I wonder if it still works...”</p><p>“What?” Now he turned to look at Isaac standing in the corner, staring at something without his helmet on. As he stepped closer he saw the colorful lights. “What the hell is that?”</p><p>“It’s a pinball machine,” Isaac said with a grin. Carver rolled his eyes.</p><p>“I can see that.” Not that he had actually seen one in a working condition that wasn’t a holo. Star Blaster, read the letters on the top. Isaac holstered his weapon and started pushing the buttons on the thing. Carver frowned. “What are you doing?”</p><p>“It’s been ages since I saw one of these.”</p><p>Carver frowned harder. “We don’t have time for this.”</p><p>In lieu of an answer Isaac pulled something on it and launched the ball. How was this thing even still functional?</p><p>With an irritated sigh Carver disengaged his helmet. Whatever then, they could sure use a break. He watched as Isaac put up a valiant effort and the points on the display climbed slowly. He ended up with a score that seemed high enough for Carver, but he didn’t make it into the high scores displayed on the board.</p><p>“That was lame,” Carver said just for the hell of it. Isaac shot him a flat look, took a step back and gestured at the machine.</p><p>“You think you can do better?”</p><p>They shouldn’t be doing this, but Carver wasn’t someone to back down from a challenge. He holstered his own weapon and they switched places, Isaac moving to the side to watch.</p><p>“Have you ever played this before?” Isaac asked, looking genuinely interested.</p><p>“No,” was all Carver said and thought to hell with it, he’d just had to get used to it on the go and launched the ball. It was nothing like a holo game, not nearly as responsive and he lost two rounds before he got the hang of it. Isaac looking at him also didn’t help, but he tried to tune it out. He slipped into that focused state that helped him aim and stay alive in firefights. Of course, this was nothing like a life and death situation, he might go as far as call it fun. Not something he had much in the last weeks. Or maybe years.</p><p>He pushed the button, but the flipper didn’t move all the way, making the ball bounce from it at a wrong angle and he couldn’t recover.</p><p>“Shit!” He slammed the side of the machine.</p><p>“Don’t worry, nobody gets it right for the first time.” There was a smirk on Isaac’s face Carver had never seen before.</p><p>“Can it, Clarke.” Carver didn’t even bother with checking his score.</p><p>“Rematch?” The engineer asked, still smirking.</p><p>They should move on, but Carver found himself saying: “You’re on.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>The constant howling of the wind and his RIG’s beeping made every minute seem like an hour as they trudged through snow and ice. Carver made sure to always stay a step or two behind Isaac, lest he lost sight of the engineer. The man walked with the same stubborn determination since they crash landed on this cosmic joke of a planet. It was a miracle they were still alive and not to mention some of the others were as well. And they would need another miracle to find anything in this fucking storm.</p><p>Of course, necromorphs needed no such thing. Not that Carver got a good look at the huge, insect-like creature that emerged from the cliff side in front of them to decide what it was exactly. He dived toward Isaac, as the engineer only stared up at the thing, but with a simple swipe of its leg, the necromorph knocked them both down the slope. The impact forced all the air out of Carver’s lungs and before he could replace it he hit the ground. It hurt, but he welcomed the pain, at least he felt something beside the numbness and cold. He landed on his back and gasped in a lungful of air. That hurt too, which probably wasn’t a good sign, but he didn’t have time to wonder about it. He looked around, trying to locate the necromorph, but he couldn’t see it anywhere. Once again the only sound around him was the wind and the warnings of his RIG.</p><p>“Fuck,” he muttered and let his head fall back in the snow. He should get up, his temperature was low enough on its own, surely him lying in the snow didn’t help.</p><p>“Isaac, you okay?” He called out, even if there was a chance his voice would just get lost in the wind. When no answer came, not even the noise of movement around him he raised his head looking around again. “Clarke?”</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>Carver was on his feet in the next moment, frantically looking around. They fell down together, the slope wasn’t so long, they couldn’t have landed so far away from each other. He called out again, but there was still no answer. Then he noticed a human shaped lump in the snow.</p><p>“Shit!” Carver hurried toward it and cursed again when he recognized the engineer lying face down in the snow.</p><p>“Goddamnit, Clarke!”</p><p>Carver dropped down next to him, carefully turning the man over. Now that he was close enough he could see the warnings flashing on his RIG and the temperature display slowly ticking down from 32°C.</p><p>“Isaac!” Carver grabbed his head, but got no reaction, Clarke was out. Did he hit his head when they fell? The cloth he wrapped around his head earlier was gone, not that it made a big difference, but it was better than nothing with his helmet malfunctioning. His lips were completely blue, the rest of his skin an angry red and Carver cursed once more.</p><p>They needed shelter, and they needed it now. If Isaac stayed like this for long he wouldn’t be waking up again. The thought left Carver more chilled than the wind ever could, then his anger took over.</p><p>“We didn’t come this far for you to freeze to death.” He slapped Isaac with maybe more force than what was necessary, but still no reaction.</p><p>“Fuck,” he muttered with feeling, grabbing Isaac’s unmoving form and pulling him up. Getting the other man in a fireman’s carry was a struggle on its own, but not like Carver had any other choice. They needed Isaac for the mission; at least that was what Carver told himself over and over as he started walking in the snow.</p><p>“You’re heavier than you look,” he grunted, making himself a promise to tell that to the man’s face as well if… when he had the chance. He spotted Isaac’s plasma cutter a few feet away so he holstered his own weapon and went and grabbed it from the snow.</p><p>He couldn’t see any of the flares Ellie’s group left behind, but in the current terrain there was only one way he could go.</p><p>Carver tried not to think about anything other than placing one foot in front of the other, his heavy breathing filled his helmet and he wished he could turn off the beeping of his RIG. He was more than aware of his own body heat seeping away. Now he was shivering constantly, but he clenched his teeth and pushed on. He couldn’t even tell how long he was trudging through the snow, could have been hours or just a few minutes when he noticed something in the distance. He hoped it was something man made. As he got closer he also noticed a flare struggling its last against the weather. So the others came through here as well. Hope swelled in him and he forced himself to pick up his pace. It turned out to be a small settlement. Actually, it wasn’t more than a few containers around a pipeline and Carver hoped as hell there was something they could use as a heat source, otherwise they were screwed.</p><p>He tried to look out for anything hostile, but the big thing didn’t show again and nothing else moved. He decided it had to do and walked to the first door he could find.</p><p>The door opened with a bit of force and Carver stepped into a fully furnished single-room home. The place was a mess, but empty and at first look had everything they needed right now. Considering the generator sitting in the corner still worked. Still, being out of the wind and snow was already an improvement, so Carver closed the door and turned the bolt on it. Hopefully, that would keep unwanted visitors out or at least slow them down.</p><p>He carefully lowered Isaac on the only bed that was in the room and stepped up to the generator. He saw enough of this tech already on the ships drifting around in orbit to be able to start it up. He let out a relieved sigh when it came to life after a few moments. Electricity came back first, painting the place in yellow light then the big heater over the door started to warm up too.</p><p>Carver disengaged his helmet and stood under the heater, enjoying the feeling of warmth on his skin. Unfortunately, that seemed to be the only working one, so it would take some time for the room to warm up properly. Carver turned to look at Isaac’s still form in the bed. His temperature dropped too low already and he was still out. Carver had enough survivor training to know that heater wasn’t enough for Isaac to warm up on his own.</p><p>“Fuck,” Carver cursed under his breath as he stepped to the bed. He opened Isaac’s suit and cursed again when he found his clothes damp and cold under it. Were also the seals busted on his suit along with the helmet? So on top of everything Isaac wandered around in wet clothes all this time?</p><p>“Perfect.”</p><p>Carver stripped out of his own suit, but kept his gun near. Getting the unconscious man out of his suit and wet clothes was another struggle and Carver spent the whole time complaining. It gave his mind something to focus on, so he wouldn’t have to think about what if he was too late and even with his best efforts Isaac wouldn’t wake up. An equally bad train of thought was where he had to admit to himself that he might have enjoyed this a lot more were they in very different circumstances. It was better not to go there.</p><p>When he got all the wet clothes off Isaac it left him in his underwear, his skin was too cold and Carver cursed again. He knew very well the only thing he had that could warm the engineer was his own body heat. He draped Isaac’s clothes over the furniture to dry and stripped from the waist up. He kept his pants on, because there was only so much he could handle about this situation. He found some extra blankets and he brought them to the bed. After laying down next to Isaac and covering them both he pulled the other man’s back to his chest.</p><p>Isaac’s whole body was still alarmingly cold, and that was enough for Carver to keep his thoughts from wandering. He made sure though to keep his hips away from Isaac’s, lest his body got ideas.</p><p>Still, he couldn’t resist the temptation to press his palm to Isaac’s chest, feeling the soft hair there, or place his hand on his thigh to warm the skin there and definitely not because he wanted to feel him.</p><p>He remembered that time they finally could get some shut eye while they were trying to make the shuttle functional, barricaded in a small room, sitting side by side and agreeing to take turns. Only to wake up to leaning on each other’s shoulder and never talk about it afterwards. But this was different, because Carver was very much awake and he shouldn’t be doing this. Well, he wasn’t a good enough man to stop himself from getting <em>something</em> out of this situation. There wouldn’t be anything else for him after this anyway.</p><p>Isaac was even thinner than he thought (the mental image of that stupid suit hugging Isaac’s thighs and ass came to Carver’s mind unbidden), but Carver knew he could carry his own weight. He saw him stomp and tear necromorphs in half enough times to know he was stronger than he looked. Yet, as he held him in his arms he seemed small, nothing like the man who took charge when things went south or faced necromorphs like they were a minor convenience. He was just someone who didn’t deserve any of what happened to him; what was still happening to him. Someone Carver would have very much liked to meet under different circumstances.</p><p>He huffed out an unamused breath. <em>You hit your head one too many times in the last weeks</em>. <em>Really not the time for this.</em></p><p>At one point Isaac started shivering, which Carver guessed was a good sign, even if he didn’t wake up. Carver held him a bit tighter and decided he would only stay there until Isaac’s temperature returned to a relatively normal range. After that the blankets would have to do the rest, because he sure as hell didn’t want the engineer to wake up while they were like this.</p><p>He must have dozed off because he woke up with start and a moment later he realized he was still very much pressed up against Isaac in bed. Thankfully, Isaac seemed to be still asleep.</p><p>“Shit,” he breathed out.</p><p>“Carver?”</p><p>Carver froze. <em>Fuck</em>. Apparently, Isaac <em>was</em> awake. Question was since how long? And how long was he out? And why wasn’t Isaac still not getting away from him?</p><p>Carver cleared his throat in the awkward silence. “You still cold?”</p><p>“No… I’m good.”</p><p>Good, he says. That was all Carver could take. He entangled himself from the engineer, trying to make it look like he wasn’t running away. Isaac pushed himself to a sitting position as well and Carver stood from the bed, making sure not to look at Isaac. He grabbed his clothes from where he dropped them and moved away.</p><p>“What happened?” Isaac asked, his voice steadier than it was before. “I don’t remember anything after that necromorph showed up.”</p><p>“That thing, or the fall knocked you out. I managed to find this outpost before you froze to death.”</p><p>Isaac didn’t say anything and Carver felt the need to fill the silence.</p><p>“We should move on if you feel up for it,” he said as he pulled his clothes on keeping his back to Isaac. He couldn’t tell if the engineer was looking at him or not and he wasn’t sure which option he would have preferred.</p><p>“Your clothes should be dry by now.” At least Carver hoped they were as he nodded toward where he laid them out. He only realized a moment too late how painfully obvious it made, that it was Carver who stripped him, kept him close for warmth then proceeded to falling asleep with them still cuddling.</p><p>Yeah, well, whatever, they had things to do.</p><p>Still not looking at Isaac Carver stepped to his suit, putting it back on.</p><p>“We should move on,” he said, again, his mind reminded him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.</p><p>“Carver.”</p><p>Against his better judgment he turned toward Isaac. He was still sitting on the bed, the blanket draped over his shoulders, but open at the front, providing a clear sight of his naked chest Carver did not glance at.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Carver stared at him, not sure how to react or if he should at all. Ever since this bullshit started they’ve saved each other countless times, they were way beyond such pleasantries. But this somehow felt… different, but Carver had no idea how.</p><p>“Just… let’s get going.”</p><p>Isaac nodded and stood from the bed. Carver turned away when the blanket fell off of his frame and he walked to his stuff. He didn’t bother to turn away as he dressed and Carver busied himself with checking his equipment instead of thinking about anything that happened in the last hours. It was easier that way.</p><p>“Any sign of the others? We need to catch up to Ellie.”</p><p>Carver rolled his eyes, but managed to answer in a fairly neutral tone.</p><p>“I found a flare nearby, probably they’ve been through here. We can follow the pipeline.”</p><p>“Alright. Just let me take a look at my suit. Maybe I can do something about the helmet.”</p><p>“Yeah, we don’t want a repeat performance of the last hour.”</p><p>“Well, not the giant necromorph bug and the almost freezing to death part, but a warm nap is always welcome.”</p><p>Carver looked at him in disbelief. There was a small smile on Isaac’s face as he glanced up at him.</p><p>“Don’t get cute with me, Clarke,” he said with a frown. If he didn’t need something it was some “good natured teasing” or whatever Isaac thought he was doing. “I’m not hauling your ass out of the ice next time if you feel like you have to be funny afterwards.”</p><p>Something ran over Isaac’s face.</p><p>“I wasn’t trying—” but he cut himself off and looked down at his suit. “I keep that in mind,” he added with a different smile. Carver had no idea what it meant, but he liked it and by that time he was more than fed up with this whole situation. This mission was enough of a cluster fuck on its own, he didn’t need his own bullshit complicating things too.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get one thing straight, Clarke. We came to this frozen shit-hole to stop the Markers. And nothing - not you or your obsession with Ellie - is going to get in my way. You got that?”</p><p>“I know why I’m doing this. Do you?”</p><p>Carver bit back what was on the tip of his tongue and turned away. He didn’t have to justify himself to Isaac from all people.</p><p>“Let me tell you something about Ellie. On Titan Station I was fine with bringing an end to the Marker threat as the last thing I do. I wasn’t worth rescuing, yet she came back for me, risking everything, just because she thought I deserved to be saved. And I failed her. I… couldn’t move on, I couldn’t be what she needed. I see that now. But she’s still important to me. I’m not here to win her over or whatever it is some of you might think. I’m here, because I can’t let her down again. It’s not an obsession, I owe her and I have to make sure she survives.” He was staring at Carver the whole time and after he finished Carver found himself wondering how he didn’t notice earlier how blue his eyes were.</p><p>“You done?” He asked, attention snapping back to the problem at hand. There were more useful things he could spend his time on than sympathize with the man. Strangely, he got the sentiment. What he wouldn’t give if he could… No. There was no reason to wonder about what ifs.</p><p>Isaac stared at him for another moment before turning away.</p><p>“Let’s get this lift powered up. With any luck, everyone will be waiting for us past the gates.”</p><p>Yeah, Carver agreed, anything just to keep his mind away from those thoughts.</p><p>Well, anything, but watching Isaac give a quick hug to Ellie after they walked into Central Command. Carver stared at the miniature table of the base without really seeing it, trying to ignore the flare of jealousy in him. <em>Shit.</em></p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus, I really thought that was it.”</p><p>“Yeah… Fuck this planet... Come on, let’s get out of here.”</p><p>Isaac nodded, turning toward the door they freed up by removing the giant drill then Carver saw him activate his comm.</p><p>“Okay Ellie, we’re headed to the warehouse now.”</p><p>Carver rather took one last sweep of the area, making sure they didn’t miss anything and also not wanting to listen in the conversation, even if he could only hear Isaac’s side.</p><p>“Oh yeah, between this planet trying to kill us and your boyfriend hating me, this has been a wonderful trip so far.”</p><p>Carver hung back a few steps, definitely not wanting to be any part of that conversation.</p><p>“Just let us fight it out, okay? One of us will win, eventually. Did you—” Isaac went silent and stopped. Carver stopped as well, alarmed, his eyes scanning the doorway for possible threats, but saw nothing.</p><p>“That’s not what I—” Isaac was cut off again. “I know. I wasn’t—”</p><p>Now Carver was paying attention to him, as the engineer just stood there and listened to whatever Ellie was saying. He couldn’t understand the words, but what little he could hear from Ellie’s voice she was pissed. It lasted longer than he expected, but eventually Isaac agreed and they moved back to their next task.</p><p>As they stepped into the elevator Carver’s curiosity got the better of him.</p><p>“What was that all about?” he asked and was ready for Isaac to deflect or simply ignore the question. After all, he owed him nothing.</p><p>“Ellie…” he let out a small laugh, “she didn’t appreciate my choice of words. She… um, she basically told us, that she’s not some prize to win and we better get the testosterone out of our brain and focus on the mission. That was the gist of it. It’s been a while since I heard her talk like that. Apparently Norton and I wore her patience down.”</p><p>Carver let out an amused snort.</p><p>“She’s really something. No wonder you guys didn’t last.” He saw the blue of Isaac’s visor turn his way and was glad for his own helmet hiding his face.</p><p>“Yeah, I see that now, too.”</p><p>Thankfully, Carver was saved from any further conversation by the door opening and he hurried out.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>Being inside of a giant necromorph, not once but twice and being betrayed in the span of a few hours was certainly not something Carver wanted to experience, but apparently that was his life now.</p><p>Seriously, fuck this planet.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>Carver felt like a caged animal. It took all his self-discipline not to pace by the edge of the cliff while they waited for the cargo cage to make its way up with the two women. The damn thing took forever. He tried to keep an eye on all of his surroundings. They were too exposed out here, anything could just jump on them. Necromorphs, Unitologists or you know a fucking avalanche…</p><p>Isaac was still talking to Santos, trying to keep her calm and Carver did his best to tone them out. He didn’t have the patience for any of this, and had no idea how was the engineer’s voice so serene, like they weren’t in the middle of a cluster-fuck. Carver couldn’t help, but think back the first time they met, Isaac’s constant insistence that he was done, he couldn’t and wouldn’t do any of what they wanted from him. And now here he was, playing the hero. Or, Carver had a suspicion it was just who he was. Under all the layers of cynicism, Isaac Clarke was a good man, wanting to help people.</p><p>He was pulled from his thoughts when Isaac stepped to the winch, pulling the lift the last few feet up manually and keeping it in place for Ellie and Santos to get out.</p><p>Of course that was the moment their luck ran out. The necromorph came out of nowhere, latching itself on the cage while Santos was still in it. At her screams the only thing Carver could think of were elaborate swear words.</p><p>“Carver! Give me a hand!” Isaac shouted while struggling with the winch. Carver shot a look at Ellie who was thankfully backing away from everything, then hurried to grab the winch’s other side.</p><p>“It’s too heavy!”</p><p>“No, no, I got her!”</p><p>Carver cursed under his breath, feeling the strain in his muscles as he tried to keep his grip on the metal. <em>Stubborn idiot is going to kill us all!</em></p><p>“Isaac! It’s gonna take the whole cliff face down, and us with it!”</p><p>Isaac glared at him. “No! I can reach her! Just hang on to the winch!” He raised his right hand, activating his mod and putting the necromorph in stasis. “Santos! That won’t last long, you have to jump!”</p><p>“God, I can’t make that—”</p><p>“Yes, you can! I’ll catch you with my TK, but you have to get out of there!”</p><p>“It’s too late for that!” Carver shouted, but Isaac shot him another glare.</p><p>“Just hold the damn thing! Come on, Santos, you can make it!”</p><p>Carver saw the stasis’ effect fade from the necromorph as Santos tried to get over the handrail, repeating an endless litany of “oh god, help me”. Just as she got over the rail and ready to make the jump the thing started to move again, rocking the whole cage. At the woman’s scream Isaac’s grip on the winch loosened and it almost tore itself from Carver’s hands, making him curse. He should let it go, it wasn’t worth it!</p><p>“Carver, stasis!”</p><p>“I’m a bit busy here!”</p><p>“Carver!” Isaac yelled at him again, but he held the winch on his own long enough for Carver to shoot the last of his stasis change at the necromorph. As it slowed down once more Santos cried out again, barely holding on.</p><p>“I’ll catch you!” Isaac shouted, extending his arm toward the woman. When the stasis faded again Santos lunged forward and Carver saw the faint blue as Isaac’s kinetic mod activated. It pulled Santos over and she hit Isaac, both of them tumbling backward to the ground. Ellie appeared next to Carver with an axe, his eyes went wide when she took a swing and cut the cage’s cord, sending the lift and the necromorph plummeting down the cliff.</p><p>For a moment all he could hear was his own heavy breathing, his arms burning from the exertion. Ellie dropped the axe and hurried to Isaac and Santos while Carver stared at the remains of the machinery in front of him. This was too damn close.</p><p>“Are you two alright?”</p><p>Carver was faintly aware of Ellie pulling Santos and Isaac from the ground. A few moments later Isaac stepped up to him.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>Carver glared at him. “One of these days you get us all killed, because you have to play the hero!”</p><p>“You wouldn’t talk like that if it was you in that fucking cage!” Santos shouted at him as she clung to Ellie, looking like she was on the edge of another breakdown.</p><p>“The mission comes first!” Carver answered not letting the memories of the ones he couldn’t save sway him.</p><p>“You military idiots and your missions! I bet if you got an order to shoot yourself in the head like those Sovereign Colonies soldiers, you’d just sit down and do it!” She looked like she wanted to say more, but Ellie pulled her away. Carver stared after them, eyes not seeing what was before him. He was back in that room with the gun in his hand. So close. If Damara hadn’t walked in… And what good him living on did?</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Carver’s eyes snapped to Isaac, a worried expression on his face, but he didn’t ask and Carver was thankful for that. He took a deep breath, pushing the memories away.</p><p>“Let’s move on.” Just as the words were out of his mouth the ground shook under their feet. He saw the necromorph clawing its way up on the cliff, but the rock gave away under them and he fell. He saw Isaac lunge toward him, trying to catch him, then he lost sight of him in the snow.</p><p>Fuck this planet.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“I have to finish it… I have to finish what I started…” With one last bullet to the Marker reality shifted around Carver once more and he was in the empty room in the warehouse, feeling drained and staring at the damn Marker right in front of him.</p><p>“Okay, this has got to stop, man.”</p><p>He spun toward Isaac with a lump in his throat and he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to scream or throw up. He decided on shouting.</p><p>“It’s not going to. Not unless we stop the Markers. The only reason I’m still alive… is so I can make my shit life mean something!” He glared at Isaac, not that the other man could see it with his helmet still on. The blue of the engineer’s visor stared back at him, then Isaac heaved a sigh.</p><p>“Look, I know what you’re going through—”</p><p>“You don’t know shit!”</p><p>“On the Ishimura and on Titan too, I kept seeing her…Nicole. To the point where I didn’t even know what was real and what wasn’t… I do know what it’s like. Whatever the Marker is telling you, it’s a trap.”</p><p>“That doesn’t make it any less true…” Carver almost sneered, the vision still too vivid in his mind. After a moment of silence Isaac disengaged his helmet and he stepped up to Carver.</p><p>“Keeping it all to yourself won’t help.”</p><p>Carver almost laughed at that. What the hell was Isaac expecting from him? It’s not like he was gonna spill his life story… Carver shook his head.</p><p>“Come on. Let’s get out of here.’ He started for the door, but stopped when he didn’t hear Isaac following after him.</p><p>“Every time you were… seeing things, you… talked.”</p><p><em>Fuck.</em> “How much?”</p><p>“Enough,” Isaac said after another moment of silence.</p><p>Great. At the moment Carver wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He would have expected Isaac to say something. Hell, after the shit Carver gave him about Ellie, he might have even deserved it.</p><p>Isaac’s hand landed on his shoulder and the touch somehow made it easier to focus on the here and now.</p><p>“Just… just know that you’re not alone in this.” Isaac stared at him as if Carver’s helmet wasn’t even between them and Carver felt that feeling in his chest he so didn’t need. When Isaac let him go and headed toward the door Carver already missed his touch. <em>Fuck</em>.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“So I guess this is it, huh?” Carver couldn’t take his eyes off the Machine before them. It was a freaking city, for crying out loud! Up until now everything seemed manageable, but this…</p><p>“Yeah, this is it.” Isaac seemed surprised, but not overly perturbed and Carver wondered not for the first time how was he doing it.</p><p>“I need you to promise me something. If I don’t make it, you’ll get this done, right?”</p><p>Isaac looked at him like he didn’t know what he was talking about.</p><p>“<em>We’ll</em> get this done, Carver. You and me.”</p><p>Carver had to swallow, hearing him say it like that… Shit, this shouldn’t be happening…</p><p>“Yeah, but… If I don’t… I helped get us this far. And that’s close enough for all this to count, right?”</p><p>Now Isaac frowned at him. “Count for what?”</p><p>“For… I dunno, just… all the bad I’ve done.”</p><p>“Ah, shut up Carver, you’re a good man.” Isaac sounded like he truly meant that, which wasn’t something he deserved. Carver shook his head.</p><p>“I alienated my son, wrecked my family. Isaac, I’d have let Santos die. Is that what a good man does?”</p><p>“Good men mean well. We just don’t always end up doing well,” Isaac said shaking his head and for a moment all Carver could do was stare at him. <em>It’s not that simple</em>, he wanted to scream at him, but then he remembered Isaac said ‘we’ and didn’t know what to do with all this. So he let out a dry laugh, looking back at the Machine.</p><p>“Yeah.” Still, something shifted, the dread he felt earlier was mostly gone and he felt the need to close the distance between them, so he forced his attention somewhere else. “Hey, I’m sorry about Ellie, man.”</p><p>“Me too. Me too.”</p><p>Fortunately, they heard voices coming from below and Carver pointed with his gun toward them.</p><p>“Look, it’s Danik. It’s not too late!”</p><p>“No turning back now, right?” Isaac looked at him, the resolve settling on his face and Carver gave him an affirming nod.</p><p>“Let’s go get that Codex!”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Ellie!”</p><p>Danik had her at gunpoint, her hands bound behind her back as he pushed her toward the Machine. She had some bruises on her face, but she looked more pissed than hurt.</p><p>“Isaac! Don’t do it… don’t listen to him…”</p><p>“Where’s Santos?” Isaac demanded. Ellie said they both got captured after they made it out of the lab.</p><p>“Give me the Codex, and you can have them both back.”</p><p>“No! Isaac, you know what’s at stake! He’s gonna kill us no matter what!”</p><p>Carver was sure Ellie was right, but he couldn’t let it end like this. “Ok, everybody calm down, okay? Danik, you can just—”</p><p>“Give me the Codex… Or I will kill her!” Danik sounded on edge. Even with a hostage his eyes darted between the two guns pointed at him.</p><p>“No,” Isaac barked out, but didn’t lower his gun or moved otherwise.</p><p>Carver shot him a quick glance. “Isaac, what are you doing? You’ve got a second chance!”</p><p>“If he turns off the Machine, we’re all dead - her, us, everyone!”</p><p>Carver grit his teeth. After everything they went through, after he watched Isaac almost fall apart when he thought he failed both women at the Rosetta lab, Carver was not gonna stand by and watch it happen again.</p><p>“Don’t let it all go dark, Isaac. There’s more than one kind of right.” Carver grabbed the Codex and tossed it to Danik, ignoring Isaac’s protest. The moment the gun moved away from Ellie’s head, she spun around and using her momentum, kicked Danik in the chest. The man stumbled back a few steps as the Codex hit the ground next to him then Isaac fired, emptying the whole clip into Danik. He hit the floor with eyes staring at them in disbelief and Carver moved closer, weapon trained at the body, making sure he would stay down. He was faintly aware of Isaac and Ellie talking behind him, but for now he only had eyes for the bastard lying on the floor. He picked up the Codex then shot the corpse in the head, just for good measures. His family was dead because of this man and he would lie if he said he felt no satisfaction at watching him bleed out on the floor. But they had things to do. He turned and walked up to Isaac and Ellie.</p><p>“So, how do we do this?”</p><p>Something flashed on Isaac’s face. “To destroy the Moon the ice needs to go.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We have to turn it off first,” Ellie said that like it made sense and Carver just stared at them.</p><p>Isaac nodded then turned to Ellie. “When I finish this, it’s all going down. Everything.” Now he looked at Carver. “You have to get Santos and go.”</p><p>“No!” The word was out of Carver’s mouth before he even thought about it. “You two get outta here. Go back to Earth Space. Tell ‘em what we found! I’m staying! It’s all I got left!”</p><p>A strange smile appeared on Isaac’s face. “You can’t stop it, Carver. Not without me. I’m the Marker killer, remember?”</p><p>Damn it all, he was right. No matter how much it pained him, Carver had to admit he had no idea what to do with that freaking Machine. Again he didn’t even think about his next words, leaving Isaac here on his own wasn’t an option. “Then I stay too. You’ll need help.”</p><p>For a moment it looked like Isaac wanted to say something, but Ellie didn’t give him a chance.</p><p>“Are you both out of your minds!?”</p><p>Isaac stepped up to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I turned my back on the world because I was afraid of what needed to be done. Ellie, I’m not afraid anymore. There’s a shuttle over there. I want you to take it, get Santos and head for home.”</p><p>For several moments Ellie looked like she wanted to argue, but then just let out a sob as she embraced Isaac.</p><p>“Don’t come back for me. We both know I’m not going home.” It was low, Carver only heard him because he was standing right next to them. Not that he didn’t know this was gonna be a one way trip, but hearing Isaac say it like that still made something tighten in his chest.</p><p>Ellie shot a last heartbroken look at Isaac then turned to Carver. She threw her arms around him and in his surprise he returned the hug.</p><p>“Go!”</p><p>Without looking back she ran for the shuttle. Isaac spared her one last glance then walked to the Machine, Carver following him. He handed the Codex to the engineer and their eyes met.</p><p>“Let’s do this,” Carver said, trying to get ready for… well, anything. Isaac nodded.</p><p>“You and me.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>Even after everything that happened in the last weeks, fighting a moon was not something Carver expected them to do, but apparently that was what they were doing.</p><p>It was almost too much.</p><p>After activating the Machine they were thrown off of the platform before Isaac could start the destroying-the-Moon part and they had to fight their way back to the damn thing. By the time they made it back to the Machine they were both hurt and at the brink of collapse due to exhaustion. The wound on Isaac’s head was still bleeding and he leaned on Carver heavily as they limped to the Codex. But none of that mattered now.</p><p>“So this is it, huh? We use that Codex?”</p><p>“Yeah,” was all Isaac said, looking at the glowing thing.</p><p>“No more bullshit? We die here, now?”</p><p>Isaac looked at him with an expression Carver had no idea what it meant. He was never good at reading people and now he was just too tired to even try.</p><p>“But Earth gets a tomorrow,” Isaac said with a faint smile. Carver nodded, finding himself feeling content for the first time in a while. This was the plan from the beginning, wasn’t it? Even if there were some unforeseen changes, it is what it is.</p><p>He grabbed the back of Isaac’s neck, pulled him closer and pressed their lips together. He could barely call it a kiss, but if he was to die here, it hardly mattered. Isaac’s smile was still there when he let him go, then he looked down at the Codex. He turned the thing and a blast pushed both of them back. Their eyes met for a moment before a gust of wind threw Carver off the platform again and he felt weightless. He stared at the Moon above as everything around him turned to stone and fell alongside him.</p><p>They did it.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“So that’s it, we were saved by fucking aliens!?”</p><p>“I quit trying to make sense of it all back on the Ishimura.”</p><p>Carver stared at Isaac, incredulous and opting between punching and kissing him. In the end he did neither, because Isaac was kind of avoiding eye contact and Carver cursed whatever forces brought the universe forward. Who knew he could even fuck up something as simple as dying?!</p><p>They didn’t talk much beside the agreement that they should find a way to get off this goddamn planet.</p><p>The Unitologists were fleeing in droves without their leader. They had to fight some, others were curled up in corners, obviously still under the lingering effect of the Marker and the Moon, Carver didn’t even spared them a single thought. He was just done with everything.</p><p>Watching one shuttle take off after another was like the worst countdown of his life, but somehow Isaac’s insistence that they would make it made everything more bearable.</p><p>Of course the shuttle they finally found was fried, still, the way Isaac said they would make it home made him believe him. Carver brushed it off with a dry joke, ignoring the warmth that spread in his chest at Isaac’s smile.</p><p>He always knew that the Unitologists were crazy, but what they found on the <em>Terra Nova</em> slipped into the “batshit crazy” territory. At least there were no more necromorphs or Markers messing with their heads. They found the shock-drive and installed it to the ancient ship, but nearly had to blow themselves up to make it work. Literally.</p><p>“We may just blow up.”</p><p>“We may just get saved by aliens again!” Carver countered. “Just hit the damn button!”</p><p>Isaac hit the damn button and the sudden acceleration pushed both of them into their seats. Carver held his breath waiting for the worst, the whole ship was shaking under them, but the worst never came. All he could see was the familiar blue-white swirl of shock-space and after a few minutes everything stabilized around them. Carver let out a long breath, dropping his head to the head rest behind him and closing his eyes. They made it.</p><p>Carver woke with a jolt, gasping for air and looking around himself.</p><p>“Hey, you okay?”</p><p>His head snapped to Isaac sitting in the pilot’s seat and looking at him with worried eyes.</p><p>“How long was I out?” Carver rubbed his forehead, getting himself under control.</p><p>“Fifteen minutes tops.”</p><p>Shit, he felt even more tired than before. He looked over to Isaac and he didn’t look much better.</p><p>“You should get more shut eye, now that we have time.”</p><p>“What about you?”</p><p>“I’m okay.”</p><p>“Bullshit.”</p><p>Isaac’s only answer was a small smile. They left it at that. Carver stared at the console in front of him without seeing anything and tried not to think.</p><p>“So,” Isaac spoke up after a while. “You wanna talk about what happened down on the planet?”</p><p>No, to be honest, but instead Carver said: “You have to be a bit more specific.” He pushed the chair back, trying to get more comfortable in the seat. After a moment of silence Isaac got up from his chair and got over the separator between them, sitting down on the metal.</p><p>“You kissed me.”</p><p>Ah, shit. “There’s nothing to talk about.”</p><p>“Why did you do it then?”</p><p>“I thought we were dying.”</p><p>“So, now that we’re not dying—”</p><p>“Just… Forget about it, ok?” Carver pushed himself to his feet, to go where he wasn’t sure, but this ship was big enough to avoid the topic.</p><p>“Carver. Carver, would you just listen to me for a second?!”</p><p>Against his better judgment he stopped and turned toward Isaac.</p><p>“When you and Norton came to me I didn’t want to be involved, because I was sure I couldn’t go through all that again on my own. I was sure I’d lose what little was left of my sanity. But I wasn’t alone. You stuck with me, even when you didn’t have to.”</p><p>“I got an order to keep you alive.” That was what he told himself at first. And then…</p><p>“Even after Norton betrayed us and I shot him? You didn’t have to come with me, you could have stayed with the others, help them out. I never dared to question it, but I liked to think you choose to stick with me. It made everything more… bearable. I couldn’t have done it without you.”</p><p>“Bullshit. Sure you could have.”</p><p>An uncertain smile appeared on Isaac’s face. “Maybe. But I didn’t have to.” Now his smile turned into a grin. “Also I spent way too much time staring at your ass on ladders.”</p><p>Isaac was now standing right in front of him, staring at him with that stupid grin and Carver decided to hell with it. He grabbed the front of Isaac’s suit and yanked him closer. There was a flash of surprise on the engineer’s face as he stumbled forward and their chests bumped, but in the next moment Carver was kissing him. Isaac’s mouth opened instantly and Carver pushed in without thinking. A part of him still expected a punch in the face or a kick in the gut even when Isaac kissed him back with the same desperation he felt. Carver’s back hit a wall and Isaac pushed a thigh between Carver’s legs as he sucked on his tongue and in the back of his mind Carver thought if this turns out to be a hallucination or a dream he’ll be so pissed at himself. He moved his thigh forward and could feel Isaac grinding against him even through his suit.</p><p>He broke the kiss and stared at Isaac. They both were a bit out of breath, but for the first time in a while it wasn’t because of a life and death situation and Carver liked the needy expression on Isaac’s face.</p><p>“How much time do we have?”</p><p>Isaac looked back, squinting at the console. “Enough.”</p><p>“Get out of that suit.”</p><p>Something flashed on Isaac’s face and he stepped back, opening up his suit with hurried movements. Carver did the same, clawing at the clasps and releases to get the damn thing off of himself as fast as he could. He wouldn’t question any of this. Hell, they were supposed to be dead, he would take anything at this point. The moment Isaac kicked his legs free Carver grabbed him by his jacket, pushing him up against the wall and kissing him hard. Their hands frantically moved over each other’s bodies, pulling on clothes to finally touch skin. Isaac’s fingers were cold as he dug them into the muscles on his back and Carver groaned into the kiss. He slipped his hands under the engineer’s shirt, palming his stomach and sides, before moving his hand to his groin. Isaac pushed himself into Carver’s touch, moaning and Carver wanted to hear more of that. They tore at each other’s belts; with the complete lack of coordination it took more time than necessary to get their pants open. It made both of them curse under their breaths, and a short laugh escaped Carver’s lips at the absurdity of the situation, but it was all forgotten the moment Carver finally shoved his hand into Isaac’s underwear, pulling his dick free. He cursed again when Isaac touched him without any hesitation. It was probably the sloppiest hand job in history, but neither of them complained. It felt real and it was all Carver wanted. He dropped his head on Isaac’s shoulder, listening to him pant right next to his ear and thrusting his hips forward in desperate jerks. Isaac lost it first. He came with a surprised gasp and Carver swallowed his moans with a kiss. Isaac went limp against him, but his hand picked up the pace, Carver was trying to keep with his movements, his other hand going to the back of Carver’s head and pressing their foreheads together.</p><p>“Come on, John, I’ve got you.”</p><p>Nobody called him by his name anymore and from all the things that was what pushed Carver over the edge.</p><p>He slumped against Isaac, way too happy to ignore the world for a few more seconds.</p><p>They cleaned up in silence (he didn’t want to know why Isaac had random pieces of cloth on himself) and tossed everything on top of the mess in one corner; it hardly mattered considering all the blood and gore covering the ship.</p><p>Carver’s tiredness was back with vengeance, so he dropped down to the floor, back leaning on the wall and trying his best not to think about anything. Isaac sat down next to him, their shoulders and upper arms touching and he bumped his knee to Carver’s leg.</p><p>“You could have said something.”</p><p>“About what?” Carver frowned at him.</p><p>“About… this.” He just gestured between them awkwardly then dropped his hand. Carver huffed out a sarcastic laugh.</p><p>“Yeah, sure. ‘Hey man, I know you’re only here to save your ex-girlfriend and we kinda have a small apocalypse on us, but I think I might be into you, thoughts?’ That would have gone down perfectly.” He dropped his head back to the wall, staring at the ceiling.</p><p>“Well, the cat is out of the bag now…” Isaac trailed off, still looking at him.</p><p>“Look, this doesn’t have to mean anything—”</p><p>“I want it to mean something. I meant what I said earlier.”</p><p>Carver didn’t know what to say to that. As much as he liked the idea, it also scared the shit out of him. Then Isaac went on:</p><p>“Listen, we won this time, but you heard it as well, there’s more out there. Danik’s gone, but the Unitologists are still around, we can’t let them get away with what they did.”</p><p>“Look who’s all pumped up. And what the hell are you planning to do? EarthGov’s gone, who knows what’s left of the Lunar colony. We are up against fucking moons!”</p><p>“I don’t know. Something! Anything I can. Ellie was right, we can’t just sit back and watch it happen! If we... if <em>I</em> don’t do anything, they win. This thing in my head, it’s not going anywhere, the least I can do is use it against them.”</p><p>Carver could only shake his head with a humorless laugh. He could agree with that sentiment. Isaac bumped his leg again, then stayed there, their thighs touching.</p><p>“But I can’t do any of that on my own.” All his previous intensity was gone and he looked as tired as Carver felt himself. “I want you to come with me.”</p><p>“Adding my pile of shit to yours? What could possibly go wrong?” It wasn’t a refusal and judging from Isaac’s laugh and the way he looked at him he knew it as well. They’d figure it out later.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There, now I feel better. :D If something doesn't add up or feels weird it's probably because I never played Dead Space, I'm only here for the ship. ^^"""<br/>Anyway, thanks for reading! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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